"What are you, a plutocrat?"

Approximately 80years old, rotund, and wearing a pair of silver, wire framed glasses, he says to me: ‘nice frames’.

Two days later, he notices that I’m wearing a different pair of glasses and says, ‘what are you, a plutocrat?’

A plutocrat is a person who exercises power by virtue of wealth. And, although in no way was I trying to reign over this man, nor flaunt the few dollars I make each hour, he perceived my two pairs of glasses as both.

But I ask myself, ‘would it be wrong of me to display wealth?’

In a capitalist society such as America, where money is directly correlated with success, and success is a measure of one’s fitness (see: Darwin), purchased objects are merely a means of communicating the following to another: I’ve worked hard, and this is what I have to show for it. Displaying wealth is not wrong.

As for using one’s wealth to control a group of people, of course this is wrong. Power in the hands of the rich. Never good. For, I’d have no power in this world.

proud Saruman

my brother's design for a kid's toy just won 3rd place in a competition. the toy (pictured above) might be chosen to go into production through the Naef company http://naefspiele.ch/home_english.html.

so cool. and i'm so proud.

although, i've already given Andrew shit for making A the repeating design element...

a hypochondriac's guide to becoming disease-free

1. eat the innocuous bacteria from off the agarose gel, pictured above
2. take the class that i will be teaching in two years

Course Description and Goals: The main goal of this course is to understand how and why microbes (bacteria and viruses) cause human disease. In order to obtain this goal, we will first study the microorganisms that infect various parts of the body and how they do so. For example, we will talk about how both pneumococcus and the influenza virus infect the respiratory tract. Although these two microbes are quite different in the way they infect, they both invade the same region of the body. Why? How do they survive in this part of the body, and how does transmission occur given their anatomical niche.
In the second part of the class, students will be asked to research host immune responses to infection and then teach their classmates about the dynamics between microbes and host cells. The interplay between host and microbe is an important determinant for whether or not disease occurs.
Finally, in the last part of the class, we will review case studies as a group. Students will come to class having read over a study that examines disease outbreaks or other microbe related mysteries. We will apply much of the information that we learned in the first parts of the class to problem solving in much the same way that a field scientist would.
This class is designed for undergraduate students interested in learning how to keep the world free of disease - both real and imagined.

My favorite Guppy

I guess what I’m trying to say is that fish die. But they’re not gone. Their bodies decompose and they become the trees, the grass, the slimy pit at the bottom of your cat’s stomach, and maybe even the blockage in your toilet’s plumbing. They’re always around. Just in a different form than they were before.

I look forward to the future with you, Guppy.

by special request...

a COLOR photo of spring

SPRING

makes me smile

vices and foibles

Should we be able to control our vices autonomously or do we need assistance from time to time?


I ate three cupcakes the other night. THREE. I wouldn’t normally do something so potentially detrimental to my figure, but they were available and I was feeling weak. I didn’t want to eat them, I didn’t even enjoy eating them, and I definitely didn’t feel good after eating them.

I usually overcome my moments of weakness by resting my mind in the bubbles of a bath, by watching TV, or by swimming. But the other night, I ate f-ing cupcakes. Damn it.

Would I have indulged so decadently, and so potentially waistsize-hazardously had I not kept the cupcakes on my kitchen counter? Or had someone been regulating how many I ate? Probably not.

...Because accessibility was a major impetus in my impulsive decision, do I think that I should formulate a way of making sure that cupcakes are inaccessible to me at all times? For example, should I insist that a higher power make cupcake sales illegal?

No. And here's why:
a- Just because I can't control my own impulses, it doesn't mean there should be a law prohibiting others from having their cupcake, and eating it too.
b- Guilt. That woozy feeling will prevent me from doing it again.
c- There are already natural deterrents inherent in wrongful deeds. For instance, I will gain weight from the cupcakes.
d- You fill in this blank.

UN-unforgettable quickies

When I have a question, I look it up. I use the internet. Usually google. I can find the answer fast. I type a word into the search prompt and immediately I get an answer. It’s quick. And it’s dirty. It’s called a quickie. And it goes something like this:

What’s the largest land mammal?
0.27 seconds later: the African Bush Elephant.
Then what’s the smallest land mammal?
0.17 seconds: Kitli’s Hog-nosed bat.
Fastest land mammal?
0.22 seconds: Cheetah.
Longest lived?
0.14 seconds: Humans

Impressive, huh?

Not really.
Did I actually learn anything with all of these quick searches? Did I retain the information I learned? Did I make connections to other aspects of my life? Did I put the information in perspective? Did I paraphrase the information into my own words so that I could convey what I learned to someone else? Nope. After five minutes, I’ve already forgotten the name of the smallest mammal.

But I probably would have remembered if I had thought about the advantages of being small and why it makes sense that an animal that can fly would be smaller than an animal that walks. Or what the evolutionary relationship is between elephants and bats.

With all of the available information out there, and with it all so accessible, might we be engaging ourselves in too many quickies? We all know that quickies aren’t memorable. They’re trash. They’re immediate satisfaction. Bam. And they’re gone. They’re a waste of time.

Learning needs to be done right. Read. Then give yourself time to reflect.

synesthesia

Synesthesia:
a condition in which one type of stimulation evokes the sensation of another, as when the hearing of a sound produces the visualization of a color.

…and, loosely following this definition: when the visualization of a color evokes an emotional response sensation.

I had a dilemma of catastrophic proportions today: whether to use gray or tan or white (resume) paper to apply for post-docs. For, I thought, there must be an emotion evoked, whether realized or not, in response to the color on which my cover letter and CV are written. And of course, I want my prospective employer to think the happiest, most pleasurable thoughts when reading my correspondence.
Please play along: I’m sure you have all seen the sky. The sky when it was its brightest blue. How did you feel? Happy. Energetic. Clean. Now, imagine how you felt when the sky was gray. Were you somber? Subdued?
In extension, how would you feel if you were reading a letter on either A) a gray piece of paper (with cold, blue undertones), or B) a tan piece of paper (with warm, brown overtones)?

I realize that the emotions evoked by color vary according to cultures, personalities, influences, circumstances, time of day, what you had for breakfast, the last song you listened to, your paternal grandmother’s maiden name, etc. (and this is probably why there is no good scientific data on this correlation out there), but I still want some imput: which color is most likely to evoke an ‘I must hire her’ sensation?

(and is not all together too distracting)

scrabble for weight loss

my brain felt like my body does after i finish a long, fast run.

i left the library yesterday fatigued. exhausted. drained. and at no time previously in the day had i expended any physical energy. all i had done was read, and read, and write. and following, my brain begged for a cot and a pillow to rest in for the evening.

instead, i fed it sushi. and i recovered nicely.

why did this work? apparently, as i read last night, the brain functions almost entirely on glucose. and although i couldn't find any reputable journal articles showing how much glucose it burns relative to say, a long fast run, i am sure, from personal experience, that the two activities use approximately the same amount of energy. therefore, by eating sushi, i was able to replenish my brain glucose levels to that of my pre-reading state.

so, the moral of this story is, if it's raining and cold outside and you need a good workout, do one of the following: read, write, think critically, or play scrabble.

and in case you're interested, i am ALWAYS free for a word duel. followed by either sushi or chocolate, of course.

this one's for LCT

I love my thesis project, but I have a confession to make: I haven’t been very faithful to it. Throughout our 4-year relationship, I’ve gone behind its back, coquetting and fraternizing with many alluring alternatives. I leave, and I love.
…but I always come back. These affairs I’ve been having – learning a second language, painting, writing – all tempt me with their romance and beauty. But at the same time, I crave stability and solidity. And this, my thesis project, is to what I always return.
“You get out what you put in” a physicist once told me. He was right. My project expresses manifestations of betrayal, neglect, and misuse - exactly what I gave to it.
It’s now hard, having scarred the thesis, to want to go back to a full commitment – for the project does not present itself as it once did. But despite it’s pain, it continues to promise stimulation and fulfillment.
In our future, I foresee that there will be ups and there will be downs (forgive the platitude), but there will also be strength, and there will definitely be comfort. For this I am indebted and will be devoted.

Incremental learning

How to shuck an oyster:

Put on a glove.

Put on a glove. Grab an oyster.

Put on a glove. Grab an oyster. Slide a knife into the seam separating top and bottom shells.

Put on a glove. Grab an oyster. Slide a knife into the seam separating top and bottom shells. Twist.

Put on a glove. Grab an oyster. Slide a knife into the seam separating top and bottom shells. Twist. With the blade, dislodge muscle from the top shell.

Put on a glove. Grab an oyster. Slide a knife into the seam separating top and bottom shells. Twist. With the blade, dislodge muscle from the top shell. Discard the top shell, cut muscle from bottom shell.

Put on a glove. Grab an oyster. Slide a knife into the seam separating top and bottom shells. Twist. With the blade, dislodge muscle from the top shell. Discard the top shell, cut muscle from bottom shell. Serve on ice.

my philosophy on photography

tell me about a person without using words, and make it descriptive. who is he? what does he care about? what makes him smile? frown? with whom does he associate? and how many wrinkles does he have? tell me – but don’t say a word. take a photo.
...not a photo of him posturing a smile in front of a trite backdrop. but instead, take a photo so that i, the listener, might indulge in his emotion. feel what he is feeling. and understand his thoughts. tell me. show me. captivate me.

my brother, david, comforted and loved our family cat for all of her life. the day before she died, above, was no exception.

compromising values

Should someone trust the quality of your work if you’re:

-a nutritionist that drinks soda
-an architect that supports the construction of buildings not possessing both form AND function
-an advocate of worker’s unions that then invests money in corporations that do not support unions or worker rights
-an PETA representative that wears a fur coat
-a scientist that believes in creationism

If you have authority in your profession but then betray, in your daily life, the very morals that drive your work, will your authority then become compromised? And thus, will those that you preach to believe what you say if even you can’t obey your own beliefs? …. Or is it mutually understood that humans have difficulty abstaining from something even though it is known that it isn’t good for them?

the setting is everything

Last night it rained. It was cold, and it rained.
My car sheltered me from the rain and the heat of the engine kept me warm from the cold. My phone was locked in the car’s trunk. And a Schubert piano sonata mused me as I parked the car.
8 minutes after parking I found myself still sitting in the driver’s seat. Car on, music on, rain still falling. It was beautiful – the warmth, the peaceful procession of raindrops on the windshield, and the warm glow of the streetlamp. Everything came together to provide the perfect backdrop for the full enjoyment of Schubert.
Now, imagine if I were trying to listen to Schubert in the cold. Or the wet. Or the rain. Ummm, DISTRACTING! Or what if I were to talk on the phone while trying to distinguish subdominant notes from the dominant key of Trout Quintet? My brain, at least would be confused. And dissatisfied.
So, for the full enjoyment and full benefit of a particular activity, that activity must be the predominant or only activity that the brain has to process. And the setting must compliment --not clash with-- that activity.
So stop watching TV while trying to read my blog. You won’t get the message.

john the meter butler

SLOW DOWN! he says.
i was hurrying alongside a line of parked cars at 430 in the afternoon.
abidingly, i slowed down. i turned my head, and i looked at the dark short man as he smiled to reveal three lonely teeth illuminating a dark dark mouth. his smile suggested good intentions but his hands grasped bad intentions. so i stopped to see what he had to say.
I DON’T WANT YOU TO TRIP. AND NO WORRIES, I WONT GIVE YOU A TICKET.
okay, i replied. but my car isn’t parked here.
JUST TO SHOW YOU THAT I WON'T GIVE YOU A TICKET, I’LL EVEN WALK YOU TO YOUR CAR.
but it’s not parked here, i’m just in a hurry.
he started walking with me. ‘great!’ i thought to myself. ‘now i have to make idle conversation!’ ‘and i’m already late for where i need to be.’
ARE YOU A STUDENT HERE?, and he pointed up the hill to my school.
yes. –hey! i have a question for you. do you have to fill a ticketing quota each month?
NAH. NAH MAN. NO QUOTA. THIS IS THE BEST JOB I’VE EVER HAD. I’M ABOUT READY TO BUY A NEW CAR, GET MY TEETH FIXED. PAY’S GOOD.
so if you don’t have to fill a quota, do you get incentives for writing a certain number of tickets each month?
NAH, LISTEN. YOU COMING BACK THIS WAY?
so at the end of the month, when you’ve given 1,000 tickets, you’re not rewarded for it?
OH. YEAH. HOW YOU THINK I'M GONNA BUY MY NEW TEETH? PAY’S GOOD. BUT I WON’T GIVE YOU A TICKET.
my car’s not parked here.

how fish fall in love

Guppy didn’t like me when we first met. But then, he’s fairly picky when it comes to choosing a mate. His opinion on me was that I swam too fast, ate all the flake food given to us by ‘the hand’, and flaunted the under part of my fin to too many other guppies. Hmpf.

Over time, I showed Guppy with subtle, elaborate, and blatant means, that I like him. I looked him directly in the eye when we released bubbles with each other. I smiled and pursed my mouth to show my delight at his presence. When he showed interest in swimming in circles, I showed a similar interest (but ended up swimming much faster than he – though don’t tell him I told you). On days that his pigmentation was particularly bright, I complimented him. And when he had a bad day, I empathized with him or gave him a big hug.

All in all, I have to say, the seduction of Guppy worked quite well. He now yearns to swim in my circles. He’s always trying to look under my fin. And when we’re alone in the tank together…we speak poetically to one another: about why we swim in circles, why we blow bubbles, why the bacteria in the tank smell, and why he likes me so much. It’s so nice.

the Law of Diminishing Returns

Over the past year, I have found it increasingly difficult to design and implement experiments. I am a student in the 5th year of a PhD program studying Hepatitis delta virus RNA editing, and frankly, my research fervor is waning. Why is this? And how could I go about waxing my scientific ingenuity?

A friend recently introduced me to the concept of diminishing returns. She spoke of it in an economic sense, but flavored the explanation with the sweetness of strawberries. She proposed: You eat one piece of strawberry pie. It tastes good and satisfies your sugar craving, right? What about if you eat two pieces? Does this second piece further satisfy your craving? The third piece? Fourth? Fifth? According to the law of diminishing returns, more input (i.e. # of pie pieces) results in less output (pie satiation).

Here, I have taken the liberty of applying the law of diminishing returns to my waning intellectual satisfaction in grad school. When I first started in the PhD program, knowledge acquisition in classes, clubs, lectures, and through individual mentorship both exhilarated and titillated my intellectual eagerness. Midway through the program my synapses tired but I was able to relieve my ennui by embracing teaching. And now, as I am faced with the same stimuli as four years prior, I am gaining less and less satisfaction from a typical day at the lab. My mind is bored. And I need an escape.

So let’s look at our pie example for a solution to decreased satisfaction. How can one avoid jading on a fourth piece of pie? Can it be made enticing by replacing the strawberries with cherries or apples, or by serving it with a glass of milk? Likewise, could the last year of a PhD be made more exciting by adding new classes or by implementing new variations on the scientific theme?

In my case, I am convinced that I need a new flavor of pie. I like strawberry pie but the fruit seeds get caught in my teeth. Science still drives me but I need an escape from test tubes and lab coats. So now the question becomes: what new variable should be introduced to cure my intellectual boredom?

If there was only an economic concept to determine this…

sas

i like to think in shorthand. it's easier on my brain. i can remember more things this way...because the things i remember are more compact. for example: a tortilla with hummus and arugula. = arugahummadilla. say it. it's got a ring. and you won't forget it.

another example: swisau. for this, i know what you're thinking - i get it all the time. you're thinking of food, of a dish from the local chinese restaurant. you're thinking pork and maybe sweetsour sauce. but you're wrong.

instead, think complete relaxation. a lure on cold days. soothing on any day. cold. hot. tense. loose.
swisau. shorthand for swim, then sauna.

Shorthand, Arugahummadilla, and Swisau. SAS - try them. stat.

where the door only opens one way

Dingy yellow lights
Illuminate drip patterned stains of pale yellow, gray, brown
On cold cement and cinder cream walls.
The smell that comes with wearing a pair of jeans 7 days too many permeates the air.
Clinking, chattering, and coughing next door.
But I am alone.
There is no window, no handle on my door.
And I stare at the ceiling. At the dingy yellow lights.